im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
