a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
