how can u be prego again
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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