oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
