I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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