She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i drank out of a bidet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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