I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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