Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I could fuck to npr.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
