my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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