Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
