If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
