tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize