There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
