Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
