It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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