I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
