I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
