I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
