u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
