I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
