Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
