small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
