So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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