did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
this hospital has no fireball
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
