Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
