the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
