she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
