Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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