walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
