I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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