no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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