I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
