i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
