hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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