I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
