mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
