I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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