I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
