yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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