Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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