On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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