evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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