I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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