cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize