is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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