and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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