I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
