I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
