I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
