Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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