What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
