If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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