I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
