She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
try to milk me bitch
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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