is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
ok first of all what the fuck
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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