Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
