Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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