one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
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someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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