god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
