I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
