I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
