anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Floor bacon is actually really good
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