remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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