I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
