If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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