vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
