I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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