Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
