ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
