I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
