I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
