I think i peed on brittanys purse
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
