Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
