Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yo dont text me then not text me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
