i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
