I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
