census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
