Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
