I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The adults are the big ones right?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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