He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
