I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
